First I'd like to talk about your hair moves so gently in the air Shall i discuss your eyes which entice me like golden fries What about your lips tasty as potato chips Everything is good in their own way and i just thought i'd say that your legs, Oh! are like a bagel so let's chat about your ears like... corn ears have i mentioned your back drives me crazy like ginger snaps Everything is good in their own way and i just thought i'd say Your body's like a 5 star meal and I'm looking for my fill if this was what was left your mother's belly was a master chef let's take it back and talk about your toes salty as buttered rolls how's about a discourse on your heel tender as a hunk of veal and your nipples 're meaty as hamburger helper Everything is good in their own way and i just thought i'd say Your body's like a 5 star meal and I'm looking for my fill if this was what was left your mother's belly was a master chef that's what it was it was a master chef your mother's belly created you like a master chef

Turkey in the mornin' turkey in the evenin' turkey at supper time Sometimes I eat turkey just to pass the time Cornbread, cornbread everywhere i go why i eat that cornbread lord i don't know grits, grits, grits grits on my biscuits I eat them grits every chance i gets red taters, white taters taters of every size green taters, blue taters any color suffice sweet tea, green tea tea that's black and blue if i didn't have my tea lord what would i do slaves, slaves, slaves, slaves all across my yard if i didn't have them slaves wouldn't get very far cherry pie, apple pie, blueberry pie peach pie, pecan pie, blueberry pie pie pie pie pie, your-a-pie, i'm-a-pie, everyone's-a-pie, pie pie pie pie pie, 3.14, octopi, fungi, porcupine, multiply, pie, pie, superpie, ultrapie, megapie, Doctor says my arteries all filled up with pie

I gotta cargo Full of babies I gotta cargo Chock-full of babies So if you want to mess with me, Think about the babies!

Haven't you ever wondered Why aren't there more gay birds? Sometimes i think about it Just sit there and think about it Gay bird? Woah-ho, Gay bird! How about the cardinal All dressed to impress Sneak a peak at his girlfriend Looks like a godawful mess Gay bird? Aw Lord, it's a gay bird! Look at that peacock Struttin' 'bout all dancy Sometimes you gotta wonder What's that boy really fancy? Gay bird? Woah, it's a gay bird! Now imagine a male model to fulfill all his wishes goes out to find a pretty chick but gets one bred for doin' dishes He's a gay bird, Oh lordy, lordy it's a gay bird Come in about a half past ten Bird woman wouldn't let me in Why she gotta put up a fuss? Think I might jump on the gay bird bus Flamboyantly gay bird I mean ostentatiously, ridiculously gay bird Sweet Jesus Hallelujah superfluously gay bird Homosexual avian tendencies!

I'm a mosquito I'm in love with a human girl I'm incognito But one day my love will be unfurled I'm not here to scare ya Please don't revile me I don't have malaria And I'm west nile free She thinks I'm just a lowly blood sucker But if she had a microscope she'd see My proboscis pucker for her sweet kiss Every time I whisper sweet little nothings right into her ear There's only one thing that she seems to hear I've got an itch That I just can't seem to scratch Let's get hitched Cuz our egg of love's got to hatch She thinks I am just a parasite But one day to Paris I might take her It'd be beautiful Every time I whisper sweet nothing into her ear There's only one thing that she seems to hear You know my baby is clearly no entomologist Cuz everybody knows male mosquitoes don't even bite But that's ok Her lovin' is good enough for me...

Oh girl, sometimes I need to go And being that I'm a man, I stand up when I flow Sometimes I get this feelin' on me Happens most every time when I take a pee. Piss shivers up my spine Shakes me like a roller coaster ride Piss shivers come down on me Some people say piss shiverin's a myth An open mind they don't urinate with Careful when you're pissin' next to another guy Woah them shivers have you pissin' in his eye! Good sir, beg your pardon please It's just them piss shivers bring a strong man to his knees Oh lord, piss shivers!

Dude what the fuck are you wearing? It's a croc-sock combo... *gunshot*... Asshole Croc! Sock! Combo! It's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo, it's a croc-sock combo Let it ROCK in a CROC with a SOCK Rockin' the croc-sock combo Rockin' the croc-sock combo Rockin' the croc-sock...

I can feel your heartbeat next to mine And wherever I am I know you're not far behind We had a connection right from the start I guess there's no denyin' you're a part of me God picked us out and sewed us together Knowin' that it'd make our love that much better Some find love on some romantic ship I found my love attached to my hip Conjoined Twin Love Just can't seem to get enough I still remember our weddin' day and how you smiled it sure was a trip tryin' to walk down that aisle And the preacher asked us in a perplexed voice "Will you stay together?"- we didn't have much choice! God picked us out and melted our skin as one Sure glad he did cuz it makes lovin' you so much fun. Some find love on some romantic ship I found my love attached to my hip Conjoined Twin Love Just can't seem to get enough Conjoined Twin Love Conjoined Twin Love Conjoined Twin Love...

There appears to be some bad news goin' 'round that don't make you the unluckiest guy in town Try to remember that in all that happens There's some sunshine to be found just because you were caught by the fuzz Doing in 80 in a 25 Well turn that frown upside down, Hey! at least you're still alive You could've run into a tree filled with endangered flying squirrels You could've smacked into a nuclear plant and blew up half the world So sometimes god lays a heap a crap right smack dab on top a yer lap and it's flowin' up like a poo poo geyser Gotta use your head that's some fertilizer and now you can have the garden you always wanted (x2) Well you've just been diagnosed with muscular cancer and they're amputating your arm but it might lead us to medical answers And you're sorta upset about your brand new nub but you're gonna find employment at the local pub The bartender there's been looking out, for some some one armed zombies at his haunted house So sometimes god lays a heap a crap right smack dab on top a yer lap and it's flowin' up like a poo poo geyser Gotta use your head that's some fertilizer and now you can have the garden you always wanted (x2) When you were playing darts you accidentally impaled your mother's heart and even though you mama died daddy's gonna find himself cool new bride She might not be too funny she might not be up to par But she's gonna vie for your affection, she's gonna buy you a convertible car So sometimes god lays a heap a crap right smack dab on top a yer lap and it's flowin' up like a poo poo geyser Gotta use your head that's some fertilizer and now you can have the garden you always wanted (x2)

Oh the skies are beautiful I'm on my way to my favorite bathhouse The naked women they are bountiful And they can all be my spouse Oh livin' it up in Pompeii Ooooh yeah Beneath my feet I feel an earthquake Ash flyin' everywhere, twas ludicrous Only destruction left in it's wake Oh, the terrible wrath of Vesuvius Mountain blowin' up in Pompeii Fire comin' down like rain Hope everyone likes a good flambé Looks like old Zeus musta had a bad day Oh how I love my brother Julius A rock tore a hole in his brain All our prayers did not save us Town's burnt down and I'm goin' insane Mountain blowin' up in Pompeii People all look like statures here Things have definitely been better in Pompeii And this is the worst weather we've had all year Mountain blowin' up in Pompeii Fire comin' down like rain Hope everyone likes a good flambé Cuz it looks like old Zeus musta had a bad day

Old Wild Bill had a house on a hill No bigger than any tool shed And Marty his dog Was ‘bout the size of a frog & hung on every last word he said One night he heard a ruckus Grabbed his gun to kick some tuckus & went out to find the source But to his surprise He beheld with his eyes An itty-bitty miniature horse Call Wild Bill Drop him a line He’ll show you a good time Every Wednesday night from 2-5 His little shed comes alive! Bill wrangled him up Hollerin’ to his pup Go and fetch the old disco ball So off darted Marty Went and started the party That most would agree was too small Many man would attend Many foe, many friend To fit ‘em all required contortion But it was OK Twister was fun to play But the food coulda used twice the portions Call Wild Bill Drop him a line He’ll show you a good time Every Wednesday night from 2-5 His little shed comes alive!

Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread Melon Bread

I scrub all day But I can’t scrub this pain away Though I may try Can’t rinse away these tears I cry I can’t get through This cycle that began with you And in the end These dishes are my only friends I did all I could just to try and please her But we had problems I couldn’t solve with degreaser Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-oh Can’t bring back my baby girl And I could wash every dish in the world But it won’t bring back my baby girl I’m so wrung out And yet this sponge is filled with doubt I don’t know why Our dreams got left out to dry It’s such a load Of memories that leave me cold And it’s the stain Of heartbreak that alone remains I love her so much that I could never deny her I need her love like I need bleach sanitizer Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-oh Can’t bring back my baby girl And I could wash every dish in the world But it won’t bring back my baby girl

Yeah, so I live with my parents And that’s OK Because they’re lookin’ out for me With free carrots everyday And my ’73 sedan may be in the shop But I got my 3-speed so I can still bike to the top And when I run errands I see dealers peddlin’ pot I just sneer and laugh Sayin’ “A stoner, I am not.” Drugs are for fools I learned that in first grade If I keep on sober I know I’ll have it made And while I’m on the subject Of values at this junction I think abstinence is cool Which is coincidental to my erectile-dysfunction When I go to the club It’s usually not my idea I prefer domestic settings Like goin’ shoppin’ at Ikea But one time my lady Say she wanna go dancin’ I tried to change the subject Cuz I can’t say no when she’s demandin’ So finally I caved And we hopped into her car I tried to play it cool When we rolled up to the bar Well I was eyein’ the beer nuts But I forgot sanitizer And when they ask me what I’m drinkin’ I say “Designated Driver” When suddenly this guy Comes over grindin’ on my girl I kindly interjected “Mind if I give that a whirl?” And then out of nowhere He starts to cop a ‘tude Apologetically I explain “I didn’t mean to intrude” Shoulda been more tactful Cuz he pushed me to the floor Avoiding eye-contact As I show myself to the door… Hell yeah. Desde era niño Viviendo en un pueblo pequeño Habían unas noches cuando oriné en mi cama Y me levanté en la mañana Mojado y por eso Ahora si veo agua corriente, confieso Me llena con miedo, más que nada Una vez fui a Yosemite y miré a una cascada Y me desmayé

It’s Christmas eve The kids are in bed The stockings are hung It’s snowin’ so gently The fire is stoked But I’m losin’ steam Got presents to wrap And it’s a big day tomorrow Woah OH! I slept through Christmas! Woah OH! There’s nothin’ under the tree! The family is waitin’ and we ain’t got nothin’ to eat I’m a single dad But I think I found someone She’s perfect for me We’re thinkin’ ‘bout marriage But she’s a baptist And I’m a roman catholic Gotta convert Or she’s gonna leave me Woah OH! I slept through my baptism Woah OH! She’ll never forgive me for this Woah OH! I shoulda bought an alarm clock I can’t let this happen again… Well it’s 2012 The ice caps are meltin' Economic collapse Mayan calander’s endin’ Gas prices high Overpopulation World War III I’m on the brink of starvation… Yes I am Woah OH! I slept through the rapture! Woah OH! No salvation for me! Woah OH! Four Horsemen are ridin’ And the antichrist’s on TV...

Well I jumped in the water ... Well I jumped in the water ... Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me I jumped in the water and I couldn't breathe Said I jumped in the water I couldn't see Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Well I jumped in the water I couldn't fuckin' see When I jumped in the water Couldn't breathe Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Put on your goggles I said put on your goggles Motherfuckin' put on your goggles Put on your goggles When you're goin' to snorkle Put on your goggles When you're goin' to snorkle now Put on your goggles when you're goin' to snorkle Bubble, Bubble, Bubble, Bubble-Me Yeah Motherfuckin' Yeah-haha ("What happened to The Plaqueys?")

Take a seat So glad that we could meet Let's pick up where we left off last week tell me bout your childhood dreams and other such schemes house the wife? hows your love life? Woah my friend I guess it just depends upon the circumstance or meaning of the words cuz sometimes it's like today is pretty nice and then the other times it's much less nice Okay let me jot that down real quick I think we're getting somewhere how bout fears? are you scared of gardenin' shears? that'd be weird but i've heard much weirder Matter of fact I'm quite afraid of plaque and all other catalysts of tooth decay Cavities Don't mention gum-disease I need a toothpick quick! Is there food in my teeth? That's a breakthrough I think I know what the problem is You're in love with your mother I have a few pieces of advice for you Cutback on flossing to thrice a day and read Oedipus through that oughtta help substantially you should see some results... or somethin' Woah my friend this cannot be the end of our session we've only scratched the surface of my issues There's my boss he works me like a horse i think that the stress is startin' to get to me I'm so sorry but our time appears to be up the bill should arrive in your pocket presently